L

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Martin - Your wife is lovely!  The two of you were luckier than most, just to have had one another, however abbreviated the time.

The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems. Mohandas Gandhi

I couldn't have said it better.

Beautiful, Martin.....................Sarah

A Journey through Light and Shadow

Completed Stratton/Wheldon regime for aggressive secondary progressive MSi in June 2007, after four years, three of which intermittent.   Still improving bit by bit and no relapses since finishing treatment.

L knew she was loved -- it is written all over her beautiful face!

Nice to put that lovely face to an intitial ...you are very lucky to have known each other in good times and bad. As others have said you can see that she knew that she was loved. take care

speedbird

She is beautiful. And even more lovely inside. I'll never understand what she saw in a lump like me. But the comfort I can take from having known her is beginning to show itself through the distress of the last week. Thanks for all your lovely comments - they really are helping.

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Wife L - the one that got away.

A friend of ours posted this rather beautiful message on her facebook page a little while ago and I thought I should post it here;

"We worked, we laughed;

We played, we laughed;

We walked, we laughed;

We talked, we laughed;

She slowed, we laughed;

She stopped.

She still smiled;

Today I said a final farewell to a special friend. MSi failed to break your spirit Lesley, I carry it with me in a quarter century of memories. You would have loved today, a special place filled with birds and flowers. Au revoir xx"

Says it all. I'm finding it all unbearable.

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Wife L - the one that got away.

Martin, you are certainly not a "lump".  We all here feel that we know you and we love you for being the beautiful person that you were with a very deservng, loving wife.  If you ever get to "the States" for a visit, we have room and food.

Rica

3/9 Symptoms returning. Began 5 abxi protocol 5/9 Rifampin 600, Amox 1000, Doxyi 200, MWF Azith 250, flagyli 1000 daily. Began Sept 04 PPMSi EDSSi 6.7 Now good days EDSS 1 Mind, like parachute, work only when open. Charlie Chan  In for the duration.&am

Martin,

I am so sorry for your loss.  MSi is a terrible disease - my very dear son has it - and I would trade places with him in a hot second. 

My Dad passed recently - and I was asked to do the eulogy.  The theme I picked - seems appropriate here.  "His light shines through."  I'm certain that "L's" light shines through too - her personality and life permeates and enriches those she loved and touched - no doubt you most deeply.  May her light shine through you the rest of your days.... 

In the quite of an early morning, or the rush and hustle of a busy day - listen carefully - and you may still hear "L" say - "I love you Martin."

Best & Highest regards,

Tom

 

Proud Parent of Rick - R started CAPi in Nov. 13. Small measurable improvements as of 7/14, more by 10/14.  Holding Steady in early 2017.  "I will leave no stone unturned, no theory unexamined, to help my son." Tommi

Martin, we were both there in spirit if not in person.  It sounds like the perfect place....................Sarah

A Journey through Light and Shadow

Completed Stratton/Wheldon regime for aggressive secondary progressive MSi in June 2007, after four years, three of which intermittent.   Still improving bit by bit and no relapses since finishing treatment.

Bless her beautiful soul. Martin, I am so sorry for your loss. 

Take care,

Felicity :)

RRMSi diagnosis (Dec,2012), doxycycline 200mg (Apr,2013), roxithromycin 300mg (Apr,2013), metronidazolei 400mg (Sep,2013), bold supplementsi inc. NACi 2400mg.

Martin, was L left-handed?.

Rica

3/9 Symptoms returning. Began 5 abxi protocol 5/9 Rifampin 600, Amox 1000, Doxyi 200, MWF Azith 250, flagyli 1000 daily. Began Sept 04 PPMSi EDSSi 6.7 Now good days EDSS 1 Mind, like parachute, work only when open. Charlie Chan  In for the duration.&am

Beautiful woman - beautiful writing ......... Losing a life partner is one of the most difficult things on the planet to deal with. 

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  ~From a headstone in Ireland

Please keep writing and sharing.  It helps all of us.

And I found CS Lewis's book - A Grief Observed helpful.

I believe those we love still work to send us comfort from another realm and hope you feel such comfort and connection. 

Best regards,

Louise_C

03-23-2013
PPMSi  - May 2009, working with Naturopath since 2009, taking listed supplement_s, plus LDNi 4.5 and L-Arginine Plus.
[had CCSVI in 2011 - helped a little]
Doxyi 200 mg, Azithromycin 250 M - W - F and NACi 600 mg.

I can't see my way out of this yet. I try to be less self-pitying and it works for a while but then I crumple. I lost both parents years ago and was pretty much upset by that - but losing my beautiful girl is on a completely different level - and my reaction only seems to be getting worse. The pain and feelings of being attacked by life are quite extraordinary. If there was a nice big stone I could crawl under and lose myself, I would. I think you kind people all know she was the love of my life. How can life be such sh*t?

I do appreciate your comments and they do help. Maybe I'll come out of this a better person but at the moment there is only terror and torment. I'm a lost child.

Sorry, you can see that I'm not the best company just now - I don't see much except my own condition, so I'm not a great deal of use to anyone else. Thank you Louise, Rica and Felicity. perhaps the CS Lewis might help me understand my feelings - no Rica, she was right-handed. Thanks to everyone. I will try to stay active here.

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Wife L - the one that got away.

Hey,  I think that I already implied on here before; the best place for you is on here  ...  and, as it happens, that's best for all of us too.  You say that you are no good to anyone at the moment  ...  I KNOW FOR A FACT that that is NOT SO.  I have quoted your words many times this last week.  I know of one chap that is being awoken from his dream world and is gonna start attacking Cpni by starting CAPi.

You fought tirlessly to keep Lesley alive - why?  Because she was just so worth it ... she was just so special.  Someone that lovely is gonna always be missed.  To cry is good (and I have cried with you) but no matter how many rivers of tears that flow, those of us that remain in this world are left to bare the pain of their loss.  One thing to remember is this: L's pain and L's suffering is gone: she had suffered quite enough!

I had described you a a beacon for others to aspire to.  When I log on to this website I shall expect to see you here, offering your experience and shining the light on the way forward.

 

G

“Don't believe everything you read on the internet.”

―    Abraham Lincoln<

That is very kind, Supaguy. I do count everyone here as friends - and the support I get here matches that of only the best of friends. I have no desire to give that up. Although I'm not sure quite what my input could be. I'm a bit lizard-like at the moment, something cold in my veins - just need a bit of sunshine to get the blood flowing. But if you'll put up with me, I'd rather hang around...

Any ideas for a change of signiture?

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Wife L - the one that got away.

There's a screen name that was made for you  ... but it's already taken: supauy!  You were certainly a supahusband  ...  but then, as I say, you had a supawife.

You are wondering "what good you do".  I was at an MS Society coffee night down the SA1 in Swansea that later part of September.  A senior sort of chap there told me that you couldn't die from MS.  Really!  There are people out there that need waking up.  This is not a joke illness; it is not equivillent to a broken fingernail  ...  or a bad hair day.  You described it as "This bastard illness.  Yeah, it is.  Let's not depress ourselves but, at the same time, let's not forget what we're up against.  You are one of the people that can shine that light.

There is yet more mourning to do and even more grieving.  You will find peace and you will find happiness again  ...  but one thing that you do not have to bare is guilt  ...  because no human could have done more than you.

A signature is for another day.

 

G

“Don't believe everything you read on the internet.”

―    Abraham Lincoln<

I am so sorry to hear of L's passing, from your posts your relationship would make any couple envious, you are an unique human being.
Sincere and heartfelt condolences from the Ferguson family.

Interesting thing, grief.
At the moment, I'm going through feelings of foreboding. Something really bad is about to happen.
Thinking rationally, as something really bad HAS just happened, the statistical probability is that it's actually less likely than before. Never having been depressed before, I didn't recognise the symptoms.
I'll treat true depressives with a bit more respect, in future...

Knowing what to call it nearly makes it go away. And then I got thinking that I'm not approaching this in the way L and I would have done as a team - when she was well. I am not honouring our partnership. We didn't follow tradition - we used fresh and lively thinking to deal with most issues that came along. That's why we loved each other. We were distinct and together. So, how would we have dealt with this, as a team? Same way as everything else - objectively. Why would I subject myself to depression, when it serves no positive purpose? It won't achieve anything. L would have found that ridiculous, and almost funny. Knowing how L would deal with it almost gives me permission not to self-impose it. So, I need to get my blood flowing again. The 'Thrill of the Chase', perhaps. Now I know where to head - and Lesley showed me the way. I need to consider my own future now.

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Wife L - the one that got away.

Dear NC,

It makes sense that you feel some foreboding – your life has changed....

If I was you I"d settle all the nasty paperwork you mentioned and then go on a walking or biking tour.  A bit of exercise, a bit of fresh air and some time with new people might do you a world of good.

 

If L would have found the way you are feeling at the moment ridiculous, then do as she would have thought: you are still a team, after all. 

Read the story I sent you yesterday and I challenge you not to laugh, especially at the stupid doctors!...................Sarah

A Journey through Light and Shadow

Completed Stratton/Wheldon regime for aggressive secondary progressive MSi in June 2007, after four years, three of which intermittent.   Still improving bit by bit and no relapses since finishing treatment.

Hi Sarah, 

I'm beginning to make a little progress now, I think.

Thanks for the story, it really cheered me up. Says a lot about the medical profession!

m x

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Wife L - the one that got away.

Martin, I’m glad that you liked David’s story: he takes great delight in having a go at certain members of his profession and with good reason.  I don’t want to pester you but if you would like any more I can sort out some to send you. Chimps and typewriters spring to mind!

I’m glad that you are starting to make some progress but it is bound to take a while because L was so much part of your life.  Whatever the future holds, she will always be there and her lovely face will be smiling and as your friend wrote, laughing with you...............Sarah x

A Journey through Light and Shadow

Completed Stratton/Wheldon regime for aggressive secondary progressive MSi in June 2007, after four years, three of which intermittent.   Still improving bit by bit and no relapses since finishing treatment.

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