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This has been an on again off again thing for the past several weeks but here goes….I have made it through pulse 7 and 8 and can now finally understand why I didn’t really feel like a post. I would occasionally read about folks here but really felt like I had nothing of value to add.  My pulses were uneventful and I was prepared as to how my body would react. Or at least so I thought. I could not wrap my thoughts around anything tangible. That is until I read Todybears post. Her title “discouraged” caught my eye and I was brought to tears. Like sifting through sand and finding a gold treasure. It was all revealed to me in my own thoughts. I never imagined ME, ever feeling lonely or cast out like someone’s beloved pet in a kennel waiting to be rescued. But somehow todybear helped me tap into the cobwebs in my mind.  I know every one has “one of those days” but I never thought I’d store it all up for one major brain cramp. Now I can understand a part of me that was dormant and deal with it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been dealing with it for over ½ my life and I have a very good understanding of  what I need to do to keep me upright. Emotion has EVERYTHING to do with it. Thank you todybear for cracking the code for me!

I refuse to feel “stuck in the house” or that me friends don’t see me as a shiny penny anymore. Frankly I think they wish they could have the spirit WE have to deal with just “plain old everyday problems”!    I can hold my head high and know that I am making a change for no one else but ME!    I can be greedy can’t I?

I started going to a water aerobics class and this was too an awakening. I did not know what to expect and was a tad out of my element. I witnessed about 20 or so gals suited up and making their way to the pool. I see folks with canes and walkers with determination and smiles. I was humbled when I witnessed their transformation. The parked their “cars” on the side of the rail and were slowly relieved of the weight that stopped them on land.  These ladies were walking, running, cycling, doing jumping jacks and lifting weights. A total goose bumps moment to witness. Knowing how tied down my body can feel sometimes this was like winning the lottery and eating all the candy in the store at the same time!!!! I know I will grow up to be just like them someday, but first things first! 

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RRMSⁱⁱ since 3/84; SPMS since 2/05. Rifampin, Azithromycin, Tindamax Flagylⁱⁱ Copaxone, Avonex, Novantrone, Provigil, 5gm NACⁱ, 5gm VitC, 5000IU VitD3 & more. EDSS 5.5 to 6.5.  Can't wa